Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
