dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
