is your mom at the bar?
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
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