Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize