Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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