His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
