Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
