he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
