I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
