Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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