Me. At least after what I've been through.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
