First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize
