There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Randomize
