My underwear smells like fireworks.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize