he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Come share oat with me in your robe
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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