Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
