Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
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