Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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