her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
one might say we're banned from that church
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
