Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
