he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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