Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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