she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
