I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Your shirt... Was in my pants
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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