His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
