Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
