I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
