she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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