I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
