Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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