Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
