i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
you made out with another girl for some wings
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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