I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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