im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Randomize
