the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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