Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
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