he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
