yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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