i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I am in a vortex of obligation.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
