He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
