i think my mom watched the whole time
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
