At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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