allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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