Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize