A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
