i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
