It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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