i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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