like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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