I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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