She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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