I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
