I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
