I wish my penis had an off switch
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
