brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I CAN MOONWALK!
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
