you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
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