Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
