I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
