Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
