Nicole vs. Life
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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