I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
