How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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