At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
