Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
