Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
