So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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