he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
