I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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