This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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