Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
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