Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
