Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
