Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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